In the midst of it all...

The past month and a half has been an emotional journey—and continues to be so. It’s obvious to say that it started with my Grandpa’s death.

I can be honest and say that after I got through his memorial service and returned to Ecuador, my day-to-day life here didn’t consist of thinking too much about it or even outwardly grieving. I’m realizing though that grief is a process and it doesn’t necessarily manifest itself on the outside as the days go by, but rather it’s a deeper, inner feeling.

I have Grandpa’s obituary on my fridge—it sounds morbid when I write that, but it has a picture of him as well. He’s smiling. It hurts to realize he is no longer here. Even though I didn’t talk with him much when I was here in Ecuador, it was always comforting to know that he was praying for me every morning.

So it’s moments when I feel caught off guard that I start to tear up and feel as raw as when I first found out.

Christmas break was an extreme whirlwind; probably more overwhelming than I would have imagined. We had two weeks to spend with family and friends. It’s precious time, especially when we won’t be home again until the summer.

We spent our first week in PA, during which Clinton’s brother got married. We were both honored to be apart of the wedding. After that, we headed to New York and Connecticut where we spent time with my family. My niece, Mikayla, is growing up so fast. Her vocabulary continues to grow each day and she preciously calls me “Na” (she caught the last part of Tante TiNA) and Clinton “Uncle” (I think we all gave up on her trying to say his name, Uncle seemed to stick!)

Over break, I visited my endocrinologist in New York. I’ve been seeing her since we moved to New York and it made sense to continue seeing her for my thyroid check up. I found out that I needed to get another thyroid biopsy. I was frustrated by this news that interrupted my limited time home—but it had to be done, and my family felt it would be best if I could have it done before we returned to Ecuador. My mother-in-law amazingly got me into a place in PA through friend connections and I’m happy to say that after much anxiety through the whole process, we found that the nodule continues to be benign.

I do see how God works in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that my life feels easier and hard times are lighter. I was just talking with my Bible study group of how during rough times we often forget that we have God to depend on—and really, that dependence should trump the independence that we think we can handle. I don’t feel day-to-day comfort, but I feel comfort when I look back and see how He has guided me and timed things in my life and I am thankful.