I haven’t blogged recently since Clinton and I have been
back to the States. While I have many things to tell about our update on
life—I’m returning to my blog now to write about my Grandma who passed away on
Saturday night, November 10th.
It was 1 year ago (and a few days) that my Grandpa passed
away. It’s hard to watch another close family member leave this world. I’m
reminded how life is not only fragile but that it’s also fleeting. I find
myself still grieving for my Grandpa, and the realization that my Grandma is
also gone makes my heart ache.
To be honest—it makes me realize how little I like change. I
consider myself fairly flexible. Though I like to have things planned, I have
proceeded through my life thus far with arms open to new and unknown things.
I’ve embraced these things, I’ve enjoyed them, I’ve also struggled with them.
All in all, though, I’ve considered myself better for my ability to be open and
willing.
As an adult, however, I feel (and whether this is true or
not—who knows) change comes more frequently; families change and grow,
friendships strengthen or die out, life becomes busier, struggle feels more
present, and life continues to happen despite whether you’re ready for it or
not. So with this process—I feel more resistant to change. I feel even
resentful that as I get older, I will most likely see death happen more
frequently, I will see a total change in the structure of families and friends
around me—things will never be the same and basically…I don’t know what to do
with this.
I guess when I feel pain, I self-reflect—I realize it’s a
little morbid…sorry for that.
My Grandma was an interesting woman. She had deep
Pennsylvania-Dutch roots, she took pride in her cooking and her sewing, she
held a steadfast faith in Jesus, she loved to write poetry, she enjoyed
reading, and she took joy in the life as a grandmother.
I’m thankful for the precious memories that I hold close to
my heart. I’m thankful that my grandparents moved to Ohio to watch my sister
and I grow and be there in our every-day lives. I’m thankful that my
grandparents were alive to celebrate my graduation from high school and
college. They were there to witness my marriage to Clinton and they were
there to pray for us each day that we were in Ecuador.
I’m sad that they will never meet my children.
Today I was touched in church by a song we sang. I had
trouble singing it and just listened while trying to hold back tears
(unfortunately—I was unsuccessful at the “holding back” part). It made me think
of both my grandparents in heaven and it reminded me that I will and must go on
with life and that I can continue to find strength and comfort from Jesus.
Bless the lord oh my soul
Oh
my soul Worship his holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I worship your holy name
The
sun comes up
It's
a new day dawning
It's
time to sing your song again
What ever may pass and whatever lies
before me
Let
me be singing when the evening comes
Bless
the lord oh my soul
Oh
my soul
Worship
his holy name
Sing
like never before
Oh
my soul
I
worship your holy name
You're
rich in love and you're slow to anger
Your
name is great and your heart is kind
For
all your goodness i will keep on singing
10,000
reasons for my heart to find
Bless
the lord oh my soul
Oh
my soul
Worship
his holy name
Sing like never before
Oh
my soul I worship your holy
name
And on that day when my strength is
failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing your praise
unending
10,000 years and then forever more
