The preciousness of an awkward moment…

Clinton and I officially met in January of our junior year of college. I had an Ecuadorian boyfriend and he had a huge head of curls….

There's something awkward about posting pictures of an old boyfriend...haha...so here's me and my sister in Ecuador...

I started out that winter session (J-term) feeling liberated by having a boyfriend. It sounds weird I guess, but for once I felt like I didn’t have to read into any of my guy friend relationships or feel dragged down by usual drama of who-likes-who and such. I was content and ready to enjoy the second half of the year after spending the Fall semester in Ecuador.

During the month of January, Clinton and I discovered we had a class together when the Spring semester started. Good. I don’t remember the rest of January.

The first day of class, Clinton sat next to me. We decided to be tutoring partners since we sat together and “knew” each other. Two months went by, he found out I had a boyfriend—awkward pause—we went on being friends, everyone knew he liked me, I denied it, and that was the semester in a nutshell.

Junior year~

um yeah...and then he had no hair

you know, he liked me, I made fun of him...you get the picture

Despite the distracting part of Andrew and the Darth Vader mask, I think Clinton's expression is funny......

The night before my last final of junior year, Clinton and I got together to study. I had been seriously thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. The distance was too hard, I really cared about this guy—but deep down, I just knew he wasn’t the one. I was really contemplating what to do. Clinton was my friend, a guy, who better to ask for advice?

We were sitting on the floor of the lounge of the science building—I was asking Clinton what should I do? Should I break up with him? Isn’t he going to be hurt, and so on. Clinton was silent the whole time—just looking at me like I was crazy. He finally said “I don’t think I’m the best person to give advice about this”

“Why” I asked innocently (seriously—I REALLY denied the fact that he obviously liked me)

“well….eh hem hem (if you knew Clinton in college…you know his clearing the throat routine, he really doesn’t do it that much any more) I think you like me”

yes, oh yes….you read that correct. He said “I think YOU like me”

I was really, taken aback—umm what? I’m pretty sure I laughed and said “isn’t that a bit presumptuous”

His response “ok, well….I like you”

…..we didn’t start a relationship right away, that’s a story for another time…but I love to remember these awkward moments—they are really precious moments….

My recent thoughts of our marriage have stemmed from witnessing newlywed interactions over the past couple months. The newlywed stage is exciting—there’s newness, excitement, usually the couple can’t take their hands off each other, even when other people are around (=

The funny thing is not for one moment do I wish that I was in the stage again. Clinton and I have gone through many rough spots already in our marriage. We have fought a lot, we have hurt each other, we have come to each other broken, at times it was not pretty—we are stronger and closer for it. We fight better and we love better too.

One of the things I love about my husband is that he always laughs at me….yes AT me. It’s annoying but I love it at the same time. So...this was just a little walk down memory lane and a wonderful reminder of who my husband is and why I love him so much!

Dating life.....

In the midst of it all...

The past month and a half has been an emotional journey—and continues to be so. It’s obvious to say that it started with my Grandpa’s death.

I can be honest and say that after I got through his memorial service and returned to Ecuador, my day-to-day life here didn’t consist of thinking too much about it or even outwardly grieving. I’m realizing though that grief is a process and it doesn’t necessarily manifest itself on the outside as the days go by, but rather it’s a deeper, inner feeling.

I have Grandpa’s obituary on my fridge—it sounds morbid when I write that, but it has a picture of him as well. He’s smiling. It hurts to realize he is no longer here. Even though I didn’t talk with him much when I was here in Ecuador, it was always comforting to know that he was praying for me every morning.

So it’s moments when I feel caught off guard that I start to tear up and feel as raw as when I first found out.

Christmas break was an extreme whirlwind; probably more overwhelming than I would have imagined. We had two weeks to spend with family and friends. It’s precious time, especially when we won’t be home again until the summer.

We spent our first week in PA, during which Clinton’s brother got married. We were both honored to be apart of the wedding. After that, we headed to New York and Connecticut where we spent time with my family. My niece, Mikayla, is growing up so fast. Her vocabulary continues to grow each day and she preciously calls me “Na” (she caught the last part of Tante TiNA) and Clinton “Uncle” (I think we all gave up on her trying to say his name, Uncle seemed to stick!)

Over break, I visited my endocrinologist in New York. I’ve been seeing her since we moved to New York and it made sense to continue seeing her for my thyroid check up. I found out that I needed to get another thyroid biopsy. I was frustrated by this news that interrupted my limited time home—but it had to be done, and my family felt it would be best if I could have it done before we returned to Ecuador. My mother-in-law amazingly got me into a place in PA through friend connections and I’m happy to say that after much anxiety through the whole process, we found that the nodule continues to be benign.

I do see how God works in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that my life feels easier and hard times are lighter. I was just talking with my Bible study group of how during rough times we often forget that we have God to depend on—and really, that dependence should trump the independence that we think we can handle. I don’t feel day-to-day comfort, but I feel comfort when I look back and see how He has guided me and timed things in my life and I am thankful.