Writing is therapeutic ….

Getting back into life in the USA

So I realize that I don’t write enough—but when I do, whether in a journal, on this blog, or even in a card—it’s therapeutic. Obviously I enjoy writing—but I also enjoy quiet communication. Since I’m an introvert, I need alone time or time where there is little to distract my mind, so that I can mentally rest. Spoken conversation often wearies me, that’s when a letter, email, or even a text is refreshing.

As anticipated, the past couple weeks have been hard. Clinton and I made the decision to leave Ecuador for numerous reasons. One of the main reasons, however, was that I was feeling emotionally drained. The thought of having the “comfort” of our own culture, language, and family around seemed to be the best remedy for this. We moved forward with our decision fully knowing that the grass is not greener, however, and that we would still face challenges and struggles especially in the transition.

It was just yesterday that Clinton and I were talking about Ecuador with a family member. After describing our work, our friends, our community—I made a passing comment “why did we leave?” I was already craving a different comfort of a close-knit community, one that accepted us and took us in the on the first day. I’m missing my friends, and I’m missing a work community that helped me grow in my profession, but also in my faith….and I’m reminded again, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Am I regretting our decision—no. I am confident in our decision and I am confident that God has a plan for us through the changes. I know that He’ll use us anywhere we go and I know that He’s with us. This is easier to say than feel, however, and though I believe it—I feel numb to it when I tell myself  this…especially during the job searching process.

I have truly been blessed in the job arena. I really have had numerous job offers which has been great—now the timing of them all, not so great…so Clinton and I had to make tough decisions since choosing a job would dictate where we will live and what we’ll do. The final decision for me has been to take a full time job at a charter high school (still a public school, but slightly different in how it’s run). I’ll be working there as a high school ESL teacher full time. I will also be an adjunct professor at Messiah College. This is the position I am most excited about since it’s the direction I wish to take my career in the future. I’ll be teaching two sections of the same class, two nights a week. The class is TESOL methods—essentially, I’ll be teaching education majors how to work with ESL students. I’m excited to share my love and passion for this area of education.

Yes it’s a lot—and my family (on both sides) have expressed concern for the load I’m taking on. Right now the Messiah classes are only for the fall, so I’ll be able to figure out how I like it. I’ve also decided to take a quarter of “leave” from my PhD studies in order to take that pressure off during this time. I’ll plan to resume in the January.

As many of you who have gone through the job searching process know, it can be extremely frustrating and very draining. You withstand a lot of rejection. Clinton has had some great interviews and yet the right job has not yet fallen into his lap. Right now he says “I just want a job” and these are the times when I remind myself that God knows and provides. With that said, during the past week he’s been called for numerous interviews as the schools are getting down to the last couple weeks before classes resume. Please continue to pray with us and for us as this search continues.

Much of starting life in Pennsylvania means taking on a lot of firsts for us. Since we lived in New York right after getting married, there were a lot of things we didn’t experience as a newly married couple; one of those things being purchasing a car. We happily bought our first car a couple weeks ago; we also found an apartment and will be moving in two weeks from yesterday. We’re slowing but surely settling in.

Love my new (well slightly used) car!

I was comforted yet frustrated by someone reminding me that most people at home would not understand how I would feel during the transition. Sometimes I selfishly want to shout it out to people—“you don’t understand.” It’s not like moving to a different state, it’s not like saying good bye to friends at college, it’s a whole different and challenging and emotional experience. I find myself crying out to God a lot when I feel alone and isolated. This sounds familiar because I said I felt alone and isolated in Ecuador—but the cycle can continue in different ways. What I’m most thankful for is my husband. I love experiencing life together and I am blessed to have someone to experience and help me through the challenges too.

So I’m ending my therapy session for today (= I’m certain it had elements of spastic writing and disjointed thoughts.

Thanks for listening in on my unspoken conversation.